Funny

If I died today and if all that was left was this blog to tell someone about who I was, I'd be pretty disappointed.   This blog would be incredibly lacking as a accurate depiction of myself.  It's crazy to admit but I do care a lot about how I am portrayed or seen by others.   I'm afraid to have a bad reputation.  When I was using, I was even more hypercritical about my fear of how I was viewed by others around me but I am guessing that the things I was hypercritical about were more superficially based than the overall picture.  I'm also guessing that my level of concern would fluctuate between not really to extremely when I was using because my personality was always altered and changing never the same as it was the day before.  I doubt there was an in-between during all this madness because I was so emotionally unstable as well as severely mentally challenged.  I've found, however, if I feel good about myself, I feel good about how I'm viewed by others.  I feel good about myself by practicing what I've learned in my recovery journey.   I've also happily found that the more practice I do daily, the better I feel.  The issue is the willingness to do these things.  As things leveled off in my life and became more stable, the easier complacency becomes.   I've gotten my second wind though!  I feel like this second wind is related to three things in particular.  One, mice.  Getting to watch the antics of two adorable mice romp around daily surely gives me a boost of sunlight so to speak.   Two, my girlfriend (who I adore immensely) is finally getting the fruits of recovery and applying it effectively to her life.  Three,  I quit smoking cigarettes, my health is on the up and up ( >_* that expression, greatly frown upon all cliche expressions in general but I strongly dislike up and up, I wish that we had better ways to express things that were universally understood in our language rather than relying on regurgitated jibber-jabber) and so clean lungs, the ability to smell again for better or worse, I feel very good but I forget that it takes a hardy chunk of effort on my part to stay in this state of consciousness.  

...STAY TUNED