Back on track

This whole summer was so slow for me.  I felt an overwhelming tidal wave of anhedonia after the end of it all.  All I did was play video games, lots of, go to meetings, and be incredibly obnoxious over Facebook posting all day about every random thought that passed through my head, I ended up making this blog so that I could still do  that, just not as arbitrarily.  I feel more regular to get up at 7 am even though my class starts at 9:30 I feel like its more relaxing to get extra time to get everything together.  I am considering leaving the place I rent from.  In their defense, they're the best room mates I've ever had, it's just not for me anymore.  Now that I know I am most likely without a doubt sticking around in CA instead of running back to GA with my tail tucked between my legs, I am ready to branch out to a better place for me.  This by no means is to say this is not a good place, it's just not as good for me as I'd like to feel serenity and like a sanctuary. I feel like there aren't as many spiritual principles being put in place and I'm picking up the slack.  I'm not perfect either and sometimes I'm paranoid that I'm being messed with just because they know I'm pretty observant.  Time to make some breakfast! =D

Oh and I remember this funny situation from the beginning of last year where I went over to raving friends house in Alameda and this was around the time I was trying to be something I wasn't and make money in ways I shouldn't.  I remember that I used to stash my stuff in this kind of air vent type of place in the middle console of the Volkswagen Golf I was driving at the time.  I remembered we were doing K and these kids wanted to roll, but being paranoid I had pushed the baggie with the pills in too far and they fell into the inside of the console under the radio in front of the cup holders.  I remember for a while having a go at fetching these out of the car but discouraged I stopped.  These persistent kids though...  At one point all I could see of them from the garage was their legs up in the air while they were upside down with a bone cutting knife trying to pry open the plastic.  Eventually they retrieved the pill baggie and I gave them some for their troubles.  That was around the time I stopped those foolish ventures and went on to bigger and better things (heroin and opiates).  Having had this memory I suddenly had a trigger to want to do ecstasy but I played the tapes of all the times I was rolling and they only one rolling how shitty it was, the times I was trying to have sex with a pretty unattractive girl, the times at big parties where I drank too much on ecstasy and felt pain in my chest but kept on going, the paranoia and fear of always having so much ecstasy on me and the anxiety of waiting for the connection to deliver, getting robbed for pill money at a party by a guy who felt I was stepping on his turf.  Or all the shittiest feelings after in the comedowns.  This list could go on.  I'm just really hungry.