Bears! Bears! Bears!

Last night I went over to the old neighborhood to Homestead Lanes to support my friend, Phil and his band, play a show.  I'm not sure what type of music they play but, none the less, I enjoyed it.  The other two bands playing sounded pop punk-like and while although the second band was a little generic sounding (according to Phil) I definitely could bounce a little and bob my head in a rapid fashion to the drum beat.  The first band that played sounded like they were first starting out and they were young kids probably no much older than juniors in high school.  The actual show was in the bar of the bowling alley.  Unlike the rest of the bowling alley, it had been renovated and everything looked freshly remodeled.  I remember last year taking a bowling class when construction had only just begun.  The walls were a type of red that in the present light looked dark but with more light a bright red color.  Facing the small carpeted platform that was the stage there were various neon beer signs unlit on the wall above them high ceilings. On one side were a couple covered pool tables, some youngsters gathered around the round tables chatting about whatever kids these days talk about.  A row of cushioned chairs with wooden arms and legs divided  the open floor in front of the stage from the area to the side with the kids and some pay as you go music electronic touch screen machines.  On the other side, the bar was lit with a bright Blue Moon beer sign at one end and a couple of decorative kegs on the end closest to the door.  Forgive me for lack of a better description, being a recovery alcoholic I only spent a couple minutes up by the bar talking to two friends only to quickly excuse myself and return to the table with Phil.  Only knowing Phil, I stayed pretty quiet played Words with Friends on my phone and watched the Stanford Spartans play Notre Dame on an entrancingly nice 40"plasma behind us.  Once the show started I put my ear buds in and it was so loud that if I wanted to tell someone something I had to write it out on my phone.  For a little while I watched the drunk kids act silly and I reminded myself that I had been right there before so I shouldn't think negatively of them.  I suppose maybe even subconsciously there was a tinge of jealously but today I don't want to return to that.  I am happy with what I have right now.  Watching them clumsily dance together holding each others hands to avoid falling backwards was like seeing an old video of myself and knowing too well that nothing on this earth could create the same video again.  It was enlightening to see how annoying they were to those of us who weren't drinking, saying to myself "wow I really was like that too huh?"  I realize that this early in recovery, I wasn't in the best of spots.  Definitely not a regular thing I'd like to do.  I felt comfortable in my sobriety to not be tempted.  I was proud that I went and spend a few hours there and didn't have a drink.  I don't give myself too much credit, I had a talk about it with my friend all day before I went.  I hope that as I work my way through recovery I will get to see the other side of the coin, working with newcomers to recovery fresh out of detox or on their way to.  I feel really hopefully one day I will find much fulfillment and purpose in running a treatment program.  Afterwards, I followed a couple of friends to Del Taco where we pigged out.  When I got home I found to no surprise how much calories I had ate but did not feel guilty at all.  I earned it.  Well, I am going to stop here and lunch it up, head over to the gym then tear it up.