meetings, recovery, fellowship

So everything went well for the meeting I secretary in downtown San Jose at 7 we had a good group and small enough so everyone got a chance to speak.  I really truly feel apart of when everyone gets to share.  I prefer the small meetings because theirs less pride and ego going on for myself and in general.  I feel better when I'm in a smaller crowd where I have the opportunity to talk with everyone.  I made a friend tonight as well whom I chatted with for good time after the meeting.  We talked about sexuality and recovery and meetings, it was good.  I felt uncomfortable but comfortable at the same time.  Mmmm this song I'm listening to by super junior is happy sounding it fits the moment perfectly.  I'm not feeling like overwhelmingly happy or bursting with joy but its a nice change of pace after listening to Happy Hardcore techno music all day.  Right now I'm waiting to pick up Ben from his towing company down off W. San Carlos near downtown.  I've become like his driver like Jackson was for me so many times when I had a DUI, luckily Ben doesn't have a DUI just doesn't have a car.  He pays well for gas so it's no problem plus its fun to hang out and go to meetings with him.  I've got no complaints right now, I feel so blessed.  One of my friends is experiencing some technical difficulties, his wife wants a divorce just doesn't feel like the relationship is going anywhere, I feel for him.  That sort of thing, I said at the meeting, was something I could very possibly end up going through one day and if it weren't for meetings and being able to talk to someone about going through problems like that I don't where I'd be.  That's a lie, I know exactly where I'd be, I'd be dead, brain dead or in prison, those are my only options from here on out if I go back to using and drinking.  By continuing to attend meetings, I'll get the constant reminder from the older crowd that it doesn't work to go back to that lifestyle and its best to move forward by daily working recovery and staying connected with people in recovery.  It says in the reading, "We Do Recover," that before AA and NA addicts and alcoholics didn't have a choice to get straight and get better, recover, live productive lives and move on.  I feel so fortunate to have this alternative.  That's all for today.