Dreaming

Sometimes, I can't tell if I am dreaming or if I am awake.  Damn you, Inception.  This weekend was quite a bit more lively than usual.  I made a friend who is a very formidable opponent in keeping up with the pace of my high speed intensity texting.  To be honest, I tried to avoid this person and not get their number but when they still caught me off guard I figured it was exactly the way it was supposed to be.  I was at a meeting, had met this person the night before, came up to me after the meeting and said hi.  I proceeded to stay inside in hopes to outlast them and remain behind until they left.  I chatted with a friend about working out.  I helped be of service by putting away chairs.  Eventually, feeling like I might be in the clear, I walked outside.  I didn't see them so I thought, phew, made it for today.  I don't know if this really made a difference, but, I came hoping to see this person at the meeting all the same even though I go to this meeting every week anyways.  I had leftover cookies from the meeting I secretary on fridays at 7pm.  I say this because I'm following a very particular diet which involves much discipline on my part.  I do it about 80/20.  I can't decide if I'm making good decisions or digging myself into a hole and the beauty of it is that I don't need to know because I know in my heart of hearts as long as I leave it up to God, God'll help me figure it out.  I kind of feel like a creep.  I'm loving every second of it though.  If I can keep up my end of the bargain and keep my side of the street clear, be firm in the way I come across, all will fall into place.  I've sort of concocted this elaborate scheme but I don't know if it will work nor do I want to know right now.  I am very excitable right now.  I haven't really had any experience in what I'm hoping to accomplish clean and sober.  In the past, I've gotten into situations for the wrong reasons, mainly my disease manifesting itself in my life.  At least it's not a moral deficiency.  I've been blown away.  I don't know what to do.  This could be really good.  This person seems to have an old soul.  I really enjoy their enthusiasm about recovery and want to be as helpful as I can without focusing on their recovery, I've got too much to do for mine.  I don't want to fall back into the same patterns and old routines from when I was out in my disease.  I want to make positive changes.  I have very strong faith in this person already.  Sometimes I just need to step back and make sure I think about what I'm saying before I say it.  I'm not so good at that.  I feel like I have made vast improvement since last year.  Well, goodnight, Journal.  I've missed you.