Yeah, so... Hoobyhabba guewnafitz

I am definitely not keeping my end of the bargain with punctual updates about me.  Well, today I am still sober, clean, and nicotine free!  On the subject of being nicotine free, I have started to regularly attend a NA (Nicotine Anonymous) meeting in Santa Cruz, CA (my Monday night meeting).  I like it there.  Everyone gets along and everyone usually gets to share because its so small and everyone doesn't go off on a long rant or rave about themselves or how amazing the program is.  That really annoys me when people do that, it feels so artificial.  How I feel at a meeting about what people are talking about I know directly relates to how at peace my mind is and how spiritual I am that day.    It's late, that's all I've got.   I am so motivated to stay quit from smoking cigarettes, there was a guy at the meeting who had 24 years free of nicotine, that was so powerful knowing that it could be done!  I like that meeting a lot too because there is a lot of discussion after everyone is done sharing.  I feel like you see a more rounded sample of the population at this meeting as well.   Well, good night.  

Finally

It's almost finals week.  Luckily both my finals are in the middle of the week instead of the beginning.  I can feel the momentum like biking down a steep hill.  I will be relieved to have them out of the way presuming that I study well for them otherwise I may not feel the same. Then some "extra-(extra)" recreation and relaxation time.  I want to start playing the cello again.  That is on my to-do list.   So from the look of it (the growing belly), I believe I have a pregnant mouse.  This is exciting and makes me happy but also a little worried and scared.  I've been doing plenty of reading on what steps to take during and after so I'm not too stressed out about it.  Luckily, mice pregnancy is very "laissez faire" in what's required of the owner/breeder.  I am definitely not trying to breed the mice though.  I've read up on what to do in order for that not to happen.  However, I'm still not 100% sure about the sex of both my mice.  Anyways, I probably care about this more than anyone reading this so I'll move right along.  I've started working on a spring mix.  Really excited for it.



 ....STAY TUNED 

Funny

If I died today and if all that was left was this blog to tell someone about who I was, I'd be pretty disappointed.   This blog would be incredibly lacking as a accurate depiction of myself.  It's crazy to admit but I do care a lot about how I am portrayed or seen by others.   I'm afraid to have a bad reputation.  When I was using, I was even more hypercritical about my fear of how I was viewed by others around me but I am guessing that the things I was hypercritical about were more superficially based than the overall picture.  I'm also guessing that my level of concern would fluctuate between not really to extremely when I was using because my personality was always altered and changing never the same as it was the day before.  I doubt there was an in-between during all this madness because I was so emotionally unstable as well as severely mentally challenged.  I've found, however, if I feel good about myself, I feel good about how I'm viewed by others.  I feel good about myself by practicing what I've learned in my recovery journey.   I've also happily found that the more practice I do daily, the better I feel.  The issue is the willingness to do these things.  As things leveled off in my life and became more stable, the easier complacency becomes.   I've gotten my second wind though!  I feel like this second wind is related to three things in particular.  One, mice.  Getting to watch the antics of two adorable mice romp around daily surely gives me a boost of sunlight so to speak.   Two, my girlfriend (who I adore immensely) is finally getting the fruits of recovery and applying it effectively to her life.  Three,  I quit smoking cigarettes, my health is on the up and up ( >_* that expression, greatly frown upon all cliche expressions in general but I strongly dislike up and up, I wish that we had better ways to express things that were universally understood in our language rather than relying on regurgitated jibber-jabber) and so clean lungs, the ability to smell again for better or worse, I feel very good but I forget that it takes a hardy chunk of effort on my part to stay in this state of consciousness.  

...STAY TUNED

Hello

Wow. 
It's been ages since I made any posts.   That ends now!  I am going to set this blog as my homepage to remind me to make posts more often.  I want people to know that I am doing well and see my progress.  I feel fantastic making this statement.  I hope my readers will be pleased with my more frequent input.  Originally, I feel like I slipped from making regular posts because I felt like no one was actually reading them and that is, well, a bit depressing to say the least.    -__-   
So, tonight, I want to make a commitment of dedication to any readers that may swing through.   I feel as though it will benefit me to write in here my experiences and anyone else who has struggled with life to read this blog.  

New updates with me:  I'm still clean and sober (just celebrated 15 months of continuous sobriety in recovery), I recently purchased two female mice as pets named Willow and Buffy, I am into a historical k-drama, Yaksha that I've been avidly watched because I love the gore and violence as well as the character development.  I am still in school, taking Business and Psychology this quarter.  The plan is to graduate with my Associate's Degree in April coming up shortly. 

                        Here is a video of Buffy, the mouse, in their ball.

          The quality of these photos are terrible because I took them with my phone.  I don't currently have the USB cable to connect my digital camera to my computer so unfortunately, this is all I've got right now.

ain't it peculiar

It's amazing how sometimes we can turn a moment into this gigantic, Godzilla of a major disaster, then a few weeks later its barely a footprint on the beach as the tide comes in.   It's insane how we trick ourselves into believing some of the craziest notions through the most irrational reasoning.  I am very blessed today with what I have, I'm getting to work with newcomers and hopefully getting a new service commitment next week at the We Are Not Saints meeting.  Speaking of meetings, I was totally planning to go to one tonight but I've been hardcore working out at the gym because I took yesterday and Saturday off.  I went to meetings both of those days though.  In other news, my roots must remain firmly planted.  I don't always mean to be cryptically arbitrary without providing context but sometimes it is more laconic to just shoot it as it foams off the top of my head.  Anyways, I just felt it was time for an entry.  I am well, no complaints right now.  Currently persuading myself to be less lazy and become more proactive in looking for a job. 

Hummingbird Cake Recipe

I love hummingbird cake and I have not eaten it in a very, very long while.  Years.  I am coming up on one year of being clean and sober, just celebrated 11 months on Monday (well I didn't really do anything to celebrate except buy a new video game).  Anyways, this is a recipe for a cake I will make next month.

Hummingbird Cake: 

1 cup (110 grams) pecans, toasted and finely chopped

3 cups (390 grams) all-purpose flour

2 cups (400 grams) granulated white sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3 large eggs, lightly beaten

3/4 cup (180 ml) safflower, corn, or canola oil

1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

1 - 8 ounce (227 grams) can crushed pineapple, do not drain

2 cups mashed ripe bananas (3-4 medium sized bananas)

Pecan Cream Cheese Frosting:

1/4 cup (57 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature

8 ounces (227 grams) cream cheese, room temperature

1 pound box (454 grams) (about 3 2/3 cups) confectioners (powdered or icing) sugar, sifted

1 teaspoon (4 grams) pure vanilla extract

1/2 cup (55 grams) finely chopped pecans

Garnish: (Optional)

pecan halves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) and place the rack in the center of the oven. Butter or spray two - 9 x 2 inch (23 x 5 cm) round cake pans and line the bottoms of the pans with a circle of parchment paper. 

Place the pecans on a baking sheet and bake in the oven for about 8 minutes or until lightly browned and fragrant. Let cool and then chop finely.

In a large bowl whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and ground cinnamon.

In another large bowl, mix together the eggs, oil, vanilla extract, pineapple, mashed bananas, and finely chopped pecans. Add the wet ingredients to the flour mixture and stir until combined. Evenly divide the batter between the two prepared pans and bake for about 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. 

Remove from oven and let cool on a wire rack. After about 10 minutes invert the cakes onto the wire rack, remove the pans and parchment paper, and then cool completely before frosting. 

Frosting: In the bowl of your electric mixer (or with a hand mixer), beat the butter and cream cheese, on low speed, until very smooth with no lumps. Gradually add the sifted powdered sugar and beat, on low speed, until fully incorporated and smooth. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed. Beat in the vanilla extract and then stir in the finely chopped pecans.

To assemble: Place one cake, top side down, onto your serving platter. Spread with about a third of the frosting. Gently place the other cake layer, top of cake facing up, onto the frosting, and spread the rest of the frosting over the top and sides of the cake. Can garnish with pecan halves. Refrigerate the cake for about one hour so the frosting has time to set.

Serves 10 - 12 people.

Hey!

It's been a very long while since I updated.  I wanted to let any readers know that I'm doing well, settled into my trailer.  It took me a while to get internet set up so that was why I did not update for so long.  I am still clean and living life in a healthy productive way.  Had a very good halloween, hope you all did too.  I'm going to be posting more regularly again, just got to get back into the groove.