A moment in time with my mind

Speculation as to why I started experimenting with drugs is, at best, a sketchy outline of the whole picture.  I guess one attractive aspect I found in drugs was their keen ability to revert my reality back to a state of child-like bliss and ignorance.  I remember.. I remember sitting at the computer stoned into the next dimension of "ultra-cool" watching the visualizer on my music player.  Not going to name any names because recently I've felt a desire to detach myself from being a cog of the corporation's advertising department, but I loved just sitting there watching those colors, shapes and patterns exploding to the rhythmic pulse all the while my mind sailing away without a note goodbye.  At the time, I didn't understand how I was trading my wits and sense for this leisurely stroll through la la land.  

Older entries (pre-Blogspot)

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July 28, 2010

Wednesday

Today I got a new computer.  I feel really spoiled.  I AM really spoiled.  It's all good though, just need to do whats right to get to where I can give back to my parents.  I suppose the best way to make up for this is to be forever grateful and continue upon this positive path towards freedom, joy, happiness and more importantly(?) financial success so that I may return what was given so freely to my by my parents back to them when the time comes.  I feel like I am making progress, like life is returning to normal.  I like someone, someone I sort of always had a feeling about in the best way possible.  Today was aftercare with Dave, Ali, Jacki, Lee, David, and James and the lovable ole Dave.  It was a good little meeting that took place in the Admin Office (basement) of Amicus House, Inc. on S. Buena Vista Ave.  Lori was having the house painted so we met there instead of in the usual room they hold groups during the day for those in primary care.  It feels nice to get some variety in such sometimes boring situations.  Well, I have high hopes for being able to make a daily journal entry now that I can type it up in here.  My counselor Doug would probably disapprove and I understand why, but as they say, take what you like, leave the rest.  I feel like this will work best for me.  I already feel elated that I am actually engaging in this particular recovery-oriented exercise.

Well Journal. I am going to go to sleep, tomorrow I go to the gym and will get another decent workout!  I am already really stoked from joining a health club.

August 1st, 2010

I feel like it's time to turn over a new leaf with you, Journal.  Tonight I ventured to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with Ben at an ungodly hour of 12 am, a recent favorite of mine, and heard a guy named Danny B. chair the meeting.  His topic was "Hats..Spiritual Program of Action" and he spoke articulately, with wit and good humor.  All around his share was funny, there was no doubt he read the literature of AA, and he gave me strength and courage.  I felt renewed.  I am so thankful I was given this opportunity to hear him speak, it was as if, (and this has been a popular belief of mine) he spoke the words of God.  I am comfortable with saying this much about spirituality.  Another fellow pointed out, well, "what does spiritual mean? okay, I think about it like this spirit ritual, I ritually come to these meetings talk about how I feel, what's going on, etc, to raise and talk about my spirit (he was much more articulate than I can convey presently) something to that effect.   I pigged out today.  I went to the market with my mom, had samples of various fruits and bought items pertinent to phase two of my diet.  While there I found delicious and delightfully cheap pork buns (a dollar each) and so I bought 4 for 4 dollars, a screaming deal I thought.  I felt really happy to be with my mom and see all the families there with their children.  The experience made my heart lift and I felt very happy.  Earlier I mentioned that it was time to turn over a new leaf, I hope that I can muster the willingness to record my feelings more frequently to create such an anecdotal account of my life as it is today.  

August 9th, 2010

Today was a pretty exhausting day, it felt good to get out and do things.  I moved all my stuff from one storage unit to a smaller one very very conveniently and awesomely close to mine.  I cleaned up the bigger one, had found a broom even though I didn't think I had one.  Realized almost half of what was left was trash.  Felt good to downsize, I feel like I can get it all take care of this month.  I also registered for fall quarter today, I am taking Math 114 my last class at De Anza before I graduate! I feel proud that I've come this far, thank you God for giving me this fresh start with a clear head.  I couldn't have done it without NA/AA, Barry, and the steps as well as you God.  I feel exonerated of my shame, guilt and remorse from my past doings but not completely, so I must continue to work the steps, I'm kind of stuck on the easy stuff.  I feel lazy because I've gotten to the top of the hill, the fourth step, and now that its done I'm taking my time going down the hill.  Another thing I did today was go to the gym and work out with my trainer, I'm glad my mom agreed to pay for that, its definitely helpful to have someone coaching me.  Finally took it up a notch and I'm definitely feeling it right now.  I can feel my abs getting stronger, this makes me super stoked.  I really like the way this diet is turning out, certainly a self esteem and confidence boost.  Even though Britt says she likes me the way I am, I want to give her something really nice to look at =)  I really hope things continue to go well with us, I'm fine with just being friends and casually dating, I don't want to do anything physical right now its worth it.  She means a lot to me.  If it goes that way I want it to be the right timing.  So no time soon.   

there's only so much edge that can be taken off a sword before its blade is dull

good evening.  I made some efforts to get some basic korean language beginners books from a Korean bookstore in the area, I also went to the Korean video store but the lady spoke little to no english and so she had to call her son to talk to me about renting movies, hah, one day I will be able to converse effectively with Korean speakers.  its definitely progress.  excuse me for not punctuating everything perfectly Ive got my face like smushed up against the screen trying hard to read it (my vision is so bad without glasses or contacts) I have been watching the Japanese version of what Boys Before Flowers on KBS is based upon the TBS version, live action and all.  pretty cool, I like it better.  still haven't gotten any manga of Hana Yori Dango, but it gives me something to look forward to.  anyways I had a great lunch with my dad, I'm beginning to be able to talk with him about more stuff, i feel more comfortable talking about stuff with him.    =D

Boys Before Flowers

I'm so tired.  I feel like I want to be creative and chop it up with you about how fantastically awesome my day was but it was honestly pretty average.  I feel exhausted.  I went to the gym, ate three meals, watch drama all day then went on an adventure to my storage unit with my friend Rachelle.  The adventure came about because I mentioned a book I'd been reading in our chit chat and she relayed to me how she needed a new library card and wanted a new book to read.  Well. I have quite a few stray books just chilling hanging out and stuff in my storage unit from my old apartment so I offered to give her some.  It felt good to catch up with old friends maybe not so good about gossiping about people.. we weren't talking too badly of people just having some concern for friends who haven't found a better lifestyle yet.  I found our adventure a perfect opportunity to get rid of this girls jacket I had in my car for so long.  Having no idea who's it was, whatever.  In return, the giving of said jacket reminded her that she had one of my favorite hoodie's that I totally forgot about. 

                                                                                           My pokemon hoodie!!

totally cute, right?  I'm excited to get it back! 

My second K-drama recommendation is the ever popular Boys Before Flowers based on the Japanese anime manga, Hana Yori Dango (which I have yet to read/watch but definitely planning on it oo yeah!)

I found a lot of good images today to show! I love show and tell!

watch Boys Before Flowers here free streaming episodes

The story is about Geum Jan Di who is an average girl.  Her father owns a dry cleaners and her mother runs a public bath.  One day she is dropping off clothes at Shinhwa High, a private school for the top 1% richest kids in S. Korea.  The founder of the school's grandson has three best friends who are also the three richest sons in S. Korea and together they call themselves F4.  Gu Jun Pyo, Shinhwa Corporation's heir, amuses himself by singling out students and getting all the other students to gang up on them using a special notice card with a skull and crossbones on it.  It's a little unrealistic of course because it's a fiction based on a fiction anime.  Geum Jan Di is the only person who sees how messed up this is and stands up against Gu Jun Pyo.  Gu Jun Pyo's friends like this in her and befriend her immediately.  They stand up for her as the student body gets hardcore jealous.  This is a horrible synopsis, I'd just recommend you check it out for yourself.  Cute guys, cute girls, good music, funny.  What else do you need? It's a romantic comedy classic love triangle. 

The show stars Goo Hye Sun as Geum Jan Di (literally translates to golden grass..I think!)

Lee Min Ho as Gu Joon Pyo

How stylish!

He plays a very snot nosed, snobbish, spoiled brat.  Some of the stunts his character pulls are unbelievable!  He is, however, the equivalent to say Paris Hilton, in the show.  HE DO WHAT HE WANT! He's kind of a dunce and a sissy but he grows on you.  He is determined to ingratiate himself to Geum Jan Di but there's just so much money can get you, he's a slow learner!

Kim Bum as So Yi Jung

Stiff competition on style here.

Mr. cool, eh?

Digging the hat!

Yi Song's story is that he is a master ceramist who's grandfather owns the largest major museum in Seoul.  Think Smithsonian.  Anyways, he has a way with words and the ladies, he becomes interested in Geum Jan Di's bestfriend played by 

Kim So Eun (SO CUTE! like obsessed)

Kim Hyun Joong  as Yoon Ji Hoo

Dolce & Golbanaaa

In the show, Ji Hoo is the last president of S.Korea's grandson who's parents died in a horrible car crash that he feels was his fault hence he is incredibly rich but doesn't flaunt it.  Love this character, so smooth and admirable.  I strive to be like this guy. Too bad he is mostly plastic (in real life).  However, plastic surgery is very common among Korean singers and actors, almost commonplace.  The double eye lid surgery is often given as a birthday present (coming of age type deal) even for non-celebrities.  It is interesting that in Korea which has some of the top plastic surgeons in the world, young people statistically get it done more than older people which is the opposite for the United States.  Here people do it to stay looking younger, there they do it to look more Western.  I find this cultural difference fascinating.  Last year I took a class called Introduction to Korean Pop Culture where we learned such tidbits.

and finally last but not least!

Kim Joon as Song Woo Bin 

He's the heir to the Korean mafia and he can fight like a badass! Watch out for this guy!  In my opinion his character is a little under developed.

Here are some additional images I found this morning as well as some awesome fan art courtesy of Mary-Dreams <-- I give my sources credit but to tell on myself some of these images were just found through google image search and I didn't play close attention who I found it from.

And that is all I've got for you tonight!  I hope you enjoyed.  I am a here for you!  and me of course but I wouldn't do this if it weren't for you and me wanting to share what I'm passionate about.  I'm lagging on working steps and I haven't gone to enough meetings.  I need to get out more.  Signing off.  

Movie recommendation

Well, hello there, did you miss me?  I know you did.  So I've almost made it through the day without napping so I can ensure a well timed sleep reinstatement plan tonight.  Currently, I am winding down listening to the smooth, stormy sounds of Paul Hardcastle.  Paul Hardcastle is a composer who is mainly known for his single "Rainforest" and Jazzmasters smooth jazz albums.  I had no idea who he was but his music is like.. every smooth jazz song you've ever heard.  I feel so elevator right now.  I learned a new concept today called qualia via the blog of Ken Mogi, Phd.  I don't fully understand it but it's a school of philosophical thought that regards the way things seem to us, to our human conscious.  If you would like to read more look to your right and look at the blogs I follow, it's the latest entry from the qualia journal.  I Anyways, I came here to shoot you a movie recommendation.  It's a movie I really liked called Antique Bakery (Korean live action) based on a Japanese anime series that I haven't gotten to watch yet.

Here is a screenshot from the anime (this is new for me!! I really hadn't investigated up until just now to find a visual)

I like the animation style, those cakes look good enough to eat! *stomach grumbles*

Antique Bakery Movie Poster

                     

GO GO GO! click below to watch

Antique Bakery on Mysoju.com

Sinking further into madness

I finally managed to escape the confines of my room to shower and jet out to grab some coffee and now I'm right back in my room.  Fully caffeinated, too caffeinated, watching Korean television, to be specific, a show called "You're Beautiful" (promo photo shown above).  "You're beautiful" is a romantic comedy TV show very popular in South Korea that aired last year.  I've been watching it at this address http://www.mysoju.com/youre-beautiful/

This show stars Park Shin Hye as Go Mi Nam

The premise of the show is that Park Shin Hye's character, Go Mi Nyu is an aspiring nun to be but she is naive growing up in a convent not having seen much of the world from the perspective of an average girl.  This all changes when she is chased down by a strange visitor who turns out to be her twin brother's talent manager.  He explains to her, in brief, that she must fill in for her brother, Go Mi Nam, a popular solo artist, for the time being and join the boy band, A.N. JELL.  Why? Something has gone wrong for her brother.  Can't say too much more without spoiling.  Anyways, she is told that her brother's dream is to find her mother by becoming famous enough that she'll find him and they would be reunited.  How does she fill in for her brother? In disguise as a boy of course!  However, how does the band feel about a new member? 

THE BAND : A.N.JELL

Jung Yong Hwa as Kang Shin Woo

    

So far I like this character, just can't tell what his intentions are.  

Lee Hong Ki as Jeremy

       

Jeremy is the clueless, well... blonde.  Haha.  He has a dog named after Angelina Jolie.

Jang Geun Suk as Hwang Tae Kyung, A.N.JELL's leader

He plays a melodramatic drama queen, a perfectionist who is always finding things to pin on Go Mi Nam, he does NOT like her/him at first but she's growing on him.

I find the show particularly hilarious and enjoyable, but I repeat again that I am easily amused, especially by foreign entertainment.  I hope I make it through this day, I feel like I'm going to pass out on the keyboard.  I want to give credit to Kaori's World blog for more pics of Kung Yong Hwa! and Ash's Wall's review for pics of the other actors!

I truly am isolating

I'm in super isolation mode right now, I'm like camped out in my room waiting for my room mates to leave the house so I can take over the kitchen and hallway areas.  I need COFFEE! I'm running on empty right now.  When I don't get enough sleep, I get loopy.  More later.

finished for now

Alright.  I've come to a look that I like enough to publish.

It's 6:21 am.  The plan for the day is to stay awake until a normal bedtime hour.

My plan for this space is to share music, games, and movie/TV shows, cover all bases so to speak of what I'm about.  Right now.. I'm listening to a UK grime act called Virus Syndicate.  I need caffeine.  a nice americano, yes, that is the ticket.  i love it, it's the cheapest drink at a major corporate coffee franchise with the most caffeine.  I am definitely an addict, finding ways and means to get more.

This is a song called Be Like Us by Virus Syndicate

Live at the Apollo (cool guitar/piano/drum combo)

Video gaming crack addiction

First of all, I had an excellent day of doing absolutely nothing but playing Star Craft 2.  The game is epic. **I must also insert here that I am very easily amused and not very critical when it comes to entertainment so don't take my word for it**  I feel like SC2 is going to be a major distraction in the future.  Currently having no real responsibilities other than keeping house and all that fun cleaning, tidying business to be "the good room mate," it's incredibly easy for me to get sucked into this video gaming void.  NO JOKE.  I looked at how long (how many gaming hours) I've played so far and, not to my surprise, the time counter was right around a nice 23 hrs and 50 something minutes.  I purchased the game on Tuesday or Wednesday last week but did not start playing it until Thursday night maybe?  I've lost track of time in here.  I feel like I'm writing the sad journal entry of an isolated plague victim.  Right now, it's 3:49 am, I am listening to 80s Freestyle/Hi-NRG, and I am not tired at all.  I feel like I need to break the cycle tomorrow and go to the gym, go to a few meetings if I wake up in time.  I feel too sedentary.  When I was in treatment, I learned a very valuable lesson or observation about my writing when I write about what's going on in my life.  My counselor, Jim, stopped me in the middle of reading my journal one morning and told me to rewrite it.  At first, I felt "butt-hurt" for lack of a better word, then I realized that what he said following his interruption of my journal reading would help me center myself in my writing.  What he suggested I do was focus on how I felt throughout the day rather than drifting off into to a little fantasy world known as "Chris's incoherent babbling of life," (that's not what it's called).  Hens leigh ways, I feel out of order from doing all this gaming.  My diet is all messed up from this as well.  Now that I am not awake at the usual hours I eat, I am under or over-compensating.  For example, today I ate the usual lunch but skipped the dinner because I ate the rest of licorice I had and um... tortilla and peanut butter.  That's all I ate yesterday.  Today is a new day!  Another day sober is another great day.  That's a fundamental.
I wanted to show some screen shots of SC 2 before I call it quits for now.  Here is what I found online that I liked (even though anyone curious enough could find them, my findings are better!)

Here is a screen shot of a random battle scene!~

The main character, protagonist, Jim Raynor

Tychus Findlay, Jim's partner-in-crime, escaped convict

Kerrigan, Queen of Blades, Jim and her have "history"

Dr. Hansen (who obviously was made using Scarlet Johannsen's face in mind)

Well, that's all I've got.  I'll review the game a little more in-depth later as I play it.  The only complaint is that playing it on mac sometimes the game will become zoomed in so much that it thwarts my strategical bird eyes view.  I am hoping to find a remedy for this.  I am also hoping to find some friends (that I already have but I won't turn down an online buddy) to play the multiplayer mode with.  Wow, now it's 4:47 am, that means I've spent a whole hour on this entry.  I crave more....  I guess that's why I decided to make a blog.  I want to periodically record my life as a reference point as well as share it.