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July 28, 2010

Wednesday

Today I got a new computer.  I feel really spoiled.  I AM really spoiled.  It's all good though, just need to do whats right to get to where I can give back to my parents.  I suppose the best way to make up for this is to be forever grateful and continue upon this positive path towards freedom, joy, happiness and more importantly(?) financial success so that I may return what was given so freely to my by my parents back to them when the time comes.  I feel like I am making progress, like life is returning to normal.  I like someone, someone I sort of always had a feeling about in the best way possible.  Today was aftercare with Dave, Ali, Jacki, Lee, David, and James and the lovable ole Dave.  It was a good little meeting that took place in the Admin Office (basement) of Amicus House, Inc. on S. Buena Vista Ave.  Lori was having the house painted so we met there instead of in the usual room they hold groups during the day for those in primary care.  It feels nice to get some variety in such sometimes boring situations.  Well, I have high hopes for being able to make a daily journal entry now that I can type it up in here.  My counselor Doug would probably disapprove and I understand why, but as they say, take what you like, leave the rest.  I feel like this will work best for me.  I already feel elated that I am actually engaging in this particular recovery-oriented exercise.

Well Journal. I am going to go to sleep, tomorrow I go to the gym and will get another decent workout!  I am already really stoked from joining a health club.

August 1st, 2010

I feel like it's time to turn over a new leaf with you, Journal.  Tonight I ventured to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with Ben at an ungodly hour of 12 am, a recent favorite of mine, and heard a guy named Danny B. chair the meeting.  His topic was "Hats..Spiritual Program of Action" and he spoke articulately, with wit and good humor.  All around his share was funny, there was no doubt he read the literature of AA, and he gave me strength and courage.  I felt renewed.  I am so thankful I was given this opportunity to hear him speak, it was as if, (and this has been a popular belief of mine) he spoke the words of God.  I am comfortable with saying this much about spirituality.  Another fellow pointed out, well, "what does spiritual mean? okay, I think about it like this spirit ritual, I ritually come to these meetings talk about how I feel, what's going on, etc, to raise and talk about my spirit (he was much more articulate than I can convey presently) something to that effect.   I pigged out today.  I went to the market with my mom, had samples of various fruits and bought items pertinent to phase two of my diet.  While there I found delicious and delightfully cheap pork buns (a dollar each) and so I bought 4 for 4 dollars, a screaming deal I thought.  I felt really happy to be with my mom and see all the families there with their children.  The experience made my heart lift and I felt very happy.  Earlier I mentioned that it was time to turn over a new leaf, I hope that I can muster the willingness to record my feelings more frequently to create such an anecdotal account of my life as it is today.  

August 9th, 2010

Today was a pretty exhausting day, it felt good to get out and do things.  I moved all my stuff from one storage unit to a smaller one very very conveniently and awesomely close to mine.  I cleaned up the bigger one, had found a broom even though I didn't think I had one.  Realized almost half of what was left was trash.  Felt good to downsize, I feel like I can get it all take care of this month.  I also registered for fall quarter today, I am taking Math 114 my last class at De Anza before I graduate! I feel proud that I've come this far, thank you God for giving me this fresh start with a clear head.  I couldn't have done it without NA/AA, Barry, and the steps as well as you God.  I feel exonerated of my shame, guilt and remorse from my past doings but not completely, so I must continue to work the steps, I'm kind of stuck on the easy stuff.  I feel lazy because I've gotten to the top of the hill, the fourth step, and now that its done I'm taking my time going down the hill.  Another thing I did today was go to the gym and work out with my trainer, I'm glad my mom agreed to pay for that, its definitely helpful to have someone coaching me.  Finally took it up a notch and I'm definitely feeling it right now.  I can feel my abs getting stronger, this makes me super stoked.  I really like the way this diet is turning out, certainly a self esteem and confidence boost.  Even though Britt says she likes me the way I am, I want to give her something really nice to look at =)  I really hope things continue to go well with us, I'm fine with just being friends and casually dating, I don't want to do anything physical right now its worth it.  She means a lot to me.  If it goes that way I want it to be the right timing.  So no time soon.